Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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