I wish I could teleport
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
