Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
