i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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