i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
