You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
