I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
