Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
