You smell like a Billy Joel song
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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