she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
