My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
