just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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