who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
