OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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