so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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