i think my tv is drunk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
