im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
