Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
