Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
