do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How external is "for external use only"?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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