South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
