u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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