Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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