If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is Oprah even human
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
