I just made out with a guy for $7.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
