ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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