one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
