so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
