i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize