yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
