She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
