I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
