I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
