hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
