Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
third nipple confirmed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
