Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
