I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
