Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
not ubering you a puppy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
