At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
