mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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