so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
