Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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