whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
