If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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