it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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