Me too!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
