I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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