I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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