I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize