Screwed.edu
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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