Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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