So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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