i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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