is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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