Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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