I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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