His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
