Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
