dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
