My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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