i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
